Fathers need to be a part of childbirth, strengthen bonds

As I have conducted studies of the childbirth experiences of women over the past two decades, I also learned about the significance of the paternal experience. I found that fathers were generally eager to not only participate in the birth of their children, but also eager to share their perspectives about their experiences during pregnancy, childbirth and the transition to fatherhood.

One father said about witnessing the birth of his third child and third son, "I marvel at how Jeni can endure that pain and not even complain. I can't believe she would be willing to go through so much to have my sons. I have cut all three of my son's (umbilical) cords. It helps me to feel involved, to have a symbolic role in the birth."

The birth of a child is a significant life event filled with bittersweet emotions: ambivalence and excitement and anticipation. Andrew, learning his wife was expecting their first child, said, "I experienced all kinds of feelings through sheer joy and excitement to terror." James said, "The pregnancy became real when (her) belly got big."

Visualizing the unborn child on the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat are meaningful experiences to be shared as a couple as expressed by Doug: "The ultrasound brought a different feeling when I could see the baby. It was the first time that I felt, 'I'm about to become a father.' "

The actual birth after nine months of preparation is an amazing experience for fathers who witness the miraculous process. When Jonathan held his newborn for the first time, he said, "It was hard to believe we had a son, that we were co-creators of this child with our Heavenly Father. I feel joy and happiness that I have never felt before. It is awe-inspiring and I feel a strong sense of responsibility, a lot less self-centered and selfish, and more centered around this little spirit."

When the birth experience is experienced together and integrated into the framework of the marriage, and when paternal and maternal roles are shared as individuals become parents, the couple relationship can be enhanced and strengthened. Greg expressed it in this way, "I couldn't believe Ann's strength in giving birth. I was so proud of her. She was beautiful when I first met her. She was beautiful the day we were married. But she was the most beautiful when she was breast-feeding my son wearing a gray flannel shirt and no make-up."

Fathers should share their stories, writing or recording their experiences during pregnancy, birth, and early parenthood. These significant life changing events are important to integrate into the framework of the lives of men who become fathers. Fathers "give birth," too!

Lynn Clark Callister, RN, Ph.D., FAAN, is a professor in Brigham Young University's College of Nursing.

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