Smells like teen spirit; Suzanne Franks, co-author of a book about

WHEN my children were little I felt a sense of shared experience with other parents. We would bore on interminably about breastfeeding and sleepless nights. Our bookshelves creaked with advice on baby care. Then one day I woke to find my cuddly pre-pubescent had been transformed into an intimidating, stroppy adolescent and there was no longer the gaggle of parents at the school gate or the toddler group to offer advice and support.

And the potential problems were scarier - anorexia, drugs, promiscuity and even suicide. Is adolescence more challenging for parents and teachers now than in the past? As the mother of Emma, 15, and Hannah, 11, I would say yes. Life is more uncertain, so the task of launching an adolescent into the world has become more complicated. In some ways they need the security and support of a loving home more than ever. Yet how are parents supposed to transmit enduring values when the outside world is clamouring at youngsters with a very different agenda? Think of the ready availability of drugs and drink, and the ubiquitous images of sex, the gruesome lyrics of rap music.

Teenagers today possess a distinct sense of entitlement. They have grown up in an era of far more lenient parenting practices compared with any previous generation. They are more assertive and less obedient, especially at home. For better or worse, many of the boundaries that previously existed have disappeared. Hence the sense of uncertainty and confusion that the parents of contemporary teenagers so often describe.

When my daughter was little I knew all her friends. Now I recognise only a handful of them - the rest are mysterious names to whom I might occasionally pick up the phone. I certainly don't know the parents or families of most of her friends any more. She regularly goes off to parties at the homes of people I have never heard of - and I suspect she doesn't always know them too well herself. What goes on there? It is very difficult to tell.

If we are allowed to pick her up, there is first a tough negotiation about what time is acceptable on both sides. Then we have to stay in the car somewhere up the street - in case anyone should catch sight of us. Sometimes she asks to sleep over in the homes of girls who are complete strangers.

How do I know what their family views are on curfews, drug use and general supervision, which could be quite different from our assumptions? If she were to catch me ringing up to ask a few questions, there would be a major scene.

At the same time as teenagers are battling against authority within the family, there are powerful attractions from outside conspiring to undermine parents. They face sustained commercial pressures to wear the right clothes, have the right gear and own the right mobile phone. We parents are up against against stiff competition.

Get Out Of My Life, But First Take Me And Alex Into Town, by Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks, Profile Books, (pounds) 6.99

Copyright 2002
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