After the fall - man allegedly cured of his homosexuality visits a gay bar

RIGHT WING

"EX-GAY" POSTER BOY JOHN PAULK'S VISIT TO A GAY BAR IS JUST ONE MORE IN A LONG SERIES OF BLOWS TO THE "CONVERSION" MOVEMENT'S CREDIBILITY

It was just a short visit to a bar, but it almost cost John Paulk his job. The problem, of course, is that John Paulk, a former drag queen named Candi, is the poster boy of the religious right's "ex-gay" movement and the bar, Mr. P's in Washington, D.C., caters to gay men. Paulk originally attributed his stop at Mr. P's to his need to visit the bathroom, even though two Human Rights Campaign staffers who spotted him there say he stayed for 40 minutes. In fact, he confessed later, he knew Mr. P's is a gay bar but says he was not looking for sex when he dropped in for a drink.

Because of Paulk's sojourn at Mr. P's, he was removed in October as chairman of the North American board of Exodus International, the ex-gay ministries group, and put on probation as a board member. "John told the board that he had `no sinful intentions' in entering that bar," Bob Davies, North American director of Exodus International, said in a news release. "However, he did engage in behavior which has negatively impacted the credibility of Exodus. He was guilty of a serious lapse in judgment, and we feel that his behavior warrants some type of disciplinary action."

No matter what his intentions, Paulk's appearance in a gay bar is a serious blow to the credibility of the ex-gay movement. Paulk and his wife, Anne, an "ex-lesbian," were featured in a series of newspaper ads two years ago promoting the idea that homosexuality can be "cured." The pair appeared on the cover of Newsweek and even authored a book, Love Won Out.

"It gets more farcical all the time," says Wayne Besen, the Human Rights Campaign spokesman who, upon learning that Paulk was at Mr. P's, rushed to the bar, camera in hand, to collect evidence. "The Christian right has invested huge resources in promoting people like John Paulk, and now their number 1 spokesman, the centerpiece of their strategy, has failed. They must be asking themselves, Is this a wise strategy, to pump hundreds of thousands of dollars into something that is going to end up in humiliation and embarrassment?"

And it's not the first time ex-gays have been "caught," Besen says. A founder of Exodus was expelled for having sex with a young recruit; Colin Cook, former head of Homosexuals Anonymous, was expelled for having sex with men who were supposedly trying to change; and Desert Stream, a California ex-gay ministry, settled out of court last summer with a minor who accused a staff person of having sex with him.

"The plot keeps thickening, and the case against ex-gay ministries gets more solid," Besen says. "There's enough reasonable doubt for reasonable people, and for someone who is thinking about putting their child [into one of these programs] or a young man thinking about entering these ministries, there's going to be greater doubt."

In an interview with The Advocate, Davies acknowledges that what happened with Paulk "has undeniably affected our credibility in the movement. If one of your key spokespeople does something questionable, then that does impact the whole organization, and it would be foolish to pretend otherwise."

Davies believes it would be foolish to pretend that homosexuality can be cured overnight. He concedes that the Paulk incident might infuse his movement with a healthy dose of reality. "We have in some ways begun to almost deny the reality of daily life," he says. "This is a process. We're all on a journey together, and none of us has arrived yet." But, he adds, there is pressure on people to "stop talking about unfinished business they have in their healing process. That's not honest. I think we need to acknowledge that."

In fact, in a statement announcing Paulk's reprimand, Davies said part of the problem is that Paulk did not own up to the real reason he went to Mr. P's. "John's unwillingness to tell the truth from the beginning was most unfortunate, as it has further undermined his public credibility," Davies said. As part of his probation, Paulk will not be able to attend board meetings or vote. The statement went on to read that Paulk is "willing to submit himself to appropriate accountability to ensure that he does not succumb to similar behavior in the future." Paulk was unavailable for comment.

Prior to the board's decision to reprimand Paulk, Davies had said, "We don't want to perpetuate a stereotype of the Christian church that shoots their wounded and casts their leaders out on the street when they slip up." Davies, a friend of Paulk's, now tells The Advocate the group "wants what's best for John, but we also want what's best for Exodus."

Paulk's employer, religious right giant Focus on the Family, has decided to keep him on the payroll. "It was a significant lapse in judgment," says Julie Niels, spokeswoman for the group, "but not a lapse in heterosexuality. We know that for sure. And one person's serious lack of judgment does not negate the fact that thousands of people have struggled out of homosexuality."

Indeed, Niels maintains that the whole episode has been blown out of proportion. "We all make mistakes," she says. "People are very understanding, and they have been very supportive of John. But a lot of homosexual activists are trying to turn it into an example of someone returning to homosexuality, and it's not. It's been misportrayed in the media. No doubt, perceptions may be changed, but the reality is that John has 1,000% left homosexuality."

But former ex-gays say there's no getting around inclinations. Scott Melendez, who leads an ex-ex-gay group, informally known as Dos Equis, in Washington, D.C., says the ex-gay movement focuses solely on making people look heterosexual. "Success means cessation of homosexual activity," he says. "Where that leaves your thought patterns, they don't go into."

As a result, Melendez says, people are continually leaving the ex-gay movement. "The ex-gay movement thrives on renewable resources, on new people coming in all the time to replace the ones who realize it's a farce and leave," he says. "People leave the ministries because they realize they are still gay and God isn't going to change them."

For those men and women who want to change, the realization that they cannot change who they are may be painful, says Melendez: "They trusted God with what they thought was the most important thing in life: to become straight. And God didn't change them. So obviously it was not his will for them to change." And instead of having to learn how to be heterosexual, he says, ex-gays have to learn a new lesson "God loves you exactly the way he created you."

Find more on the "ex-gay" movement and links to related Internet sites at www.advocate.com

Kirby is a regular contributor to The New York Times.

COPYRIGHT 2000 Liberation Publications, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2000 Gale Group