matchormismatch fantasy relationships that might just work by nicky

chelsea clinton puff daddy Background Chelsea Victoria was born to the President of the United States and his first (though by no means his last) Lady on February 27, 1980. Brought up in Little Rock, Arkansas, she soon became used to prying eyes, ears and ever-present Men in Black. She attended one of the top schools in the country, and now attends ivy league California institution Stanford University.

Appearance Poor, darling first daughter. Nature has not been kind. But you can't have it all, and if braces, kooky hair and a generally plain aspect are the flipside of the presidential power coin, then she can't really complain.

However, if Chelsea continues to aspire to a political future, her sex life will improve accordingly. Like daddy, like daughter. As they say.

Hobbies Chelsea is a true academic and has recently switched to a politics degree in the hope of following in her family's footsteps, to such an extent that she is soon to take over the duties of First Lady at the White House. An avid footballer and ballet fan, she has also inherited her mother's strong Methodist beliefs, and is known at university as a key happy-clappy player in God's earthly squad.

Track record As a staunch believer and a figure increasingly in the public gaze, Chelsea is still at an early stage in her rapport with members of the opposite sex. Her first relationship, with a member of the university swimming team, recently ended in disaster amidst the pressure of the publicity surrounding her father's cigarillo peccadilloes. The sins of the father were never so tough.

Background It's 1970, and Puffy is born Sean Combs in Harlem, NYC. The first child of a street hustler, and model, his hard as nails future image was to be defined at the age of three, when his father was shot. The gifted, footballing Combs soon learned to puff out his chest to appear more phat, earning him a nickname and an enduring, if deluded, self image.

Appearance Puffy is a whole lotta rapper's delight, a muscle- bound bundle of egomania and bejewelled grandeur. Always the athlete, he works out regularly to keep his heavenly body in shape, and then clothes himself in trademark white to best display his aspect. A fondness for large crucifixes, and ludicrously buckled pants completes his somewhat amplified puffed peacock look.

Hobbies Sean is a businessman at heart, and has spent the majority of his 29 years building up the multi-million dollar empire that is Bad Boy Entertainment, where he is CEO. He still works, organising high-profile parties at his house in the Hamptons, producing the cream of New York's hip hop crew, and cutting the odd disc.

Track record The smartest big baby in rap likes his women like his dough: large and plentiful. He is the father of two boys: Justin, the produce of his now defunct marriage, after whom he named his Manhattan soul food restaurant, and Chris, born to ex-girlfriend Kim Porter on April Fool's Day, 1998. Recent events have led to the demise of his relationship with Jennifer Lopez.

MATCH OR MISMATCH?

It may seem unlikely, if not nigh on implausible, but Puffy and Chelsea are the ideal modern American couple. They are Christians and sportspeople, and both have the power to control the States in the 21st century. Puffy's prestige combined with Chelsea's connections could combine to form the most striking cross-community coupling the country has ever seen. Puffy would lend cool to Chelsea's brainpower, while her political know-how could cover-up his embarrassing illegalities. With Chelsea reigning the West Coast academe, and Puffy covering the East Coast scene, they could vanquish Death Row Republicanism forever.

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