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BECK Background The kookmeister of other-wordly musicality was born to actress and Warhol superstar model mother, Bibbe Hansen, and David Campbell, a bluegrass musician and noted absence in the young sonic collagist's life. He misspent his youth in Kansas City, where his paternal grandfather worked as a Presbyterian minister, and his mother's heady punk home in the wilds of LA, before dropping out of school after Junior High and moving to NYC.

Appearance Ever the cosmic pixie, Beck is a 29-year-old space chile in Prada trousers and a cowboy hat. He's a teeny man in a big star's persona, a throwback from the generations of folk and blues. Terminally vain, he was once so upset at the result of a $5 haircut that he flew his hairdresser in from LA for a Face photoshoot, at a cost of $3000.

Hobbies Beck grew up in his mother's punk rock open house, surrounded by music, musicians and the odder trappings of fame. Intelligent but by no means academic, he became obsessed by aural pleasures and experimentation to the exclusion of any other kind of life. These days, he spends his time gigging, shopping and attempting to redefine yet another musical genre.

Track record Disappointingly for a boy so much in demand, the star has been remarkably abstemious in his rock 'n' roll lust life. His freaky looks and elf-like stature may have added to his androgynous desirability, his Prince-esque lusty squeals may extol the joys of ephemeral sex and bullet-proof chests, but Beck seems happy with his long-term girlfriend and essential stylist Leigh.

Background This much-loathed momma was, believe it or not, once a bouncing baby girl. She's a Virgo, and came into this world on October 7 1947. Church of England born and bred, she attended the Royal Naval School in Singapore before learning her chaste and winsome ways at La Sainte Union Convent, Birmingham University and Lady Margaret's Hall, Oxford.

Appearance "I'm know I'm short, overweight and ugly" - in her own words, Widdecombe is no catwalk queen, and few would dare to disagree. They might, however, add that she is the proud lady owner of what is positively the scariest barnet in politics. She's a formidable woman, think Carry On's matron, devoid of humour and a sleazy grin.

Hobbies Widdecombe spends her spare time dreaming up anti- hobbies; politically correct organisations and human rights to store in her hutch of pet hates. Although she claims to care little about image and garb, she is permanently on some kind of pound-shedding plan, scouring the shelves of her local supermarket in search of meaty varieties of TV dinner-lite.

Track record Once the CoE had the audacity to allow woman priests to be ordained, Ann quickly shifted her love of God to the Roman Catholic camp. As a strict moralist and pro-life campaigner, she does not believe in casual sex, nor, it has been suggested, in any kind of sex at all. In the fruitful garden of sin that is politics, Ann's is the cherry yet to be popped.

Ann widdecombe

MATCH OR MISMATCH?

Now we all know that Beck is into experiencing life's varicose joys and finding people's essential karma, man, but it's doubtful that the lord of life-as-experiment could be seduced by Widdecombe's charms. Her clothes are charity shop without the chic, her hairstyle beyond even $3000 repair. Her recipe for relaxation might just swing his thing: she finds pleasure in listening to hippos, a sound Beck surely needs to recreate.

Unfortunately, though, she's a little too prudish to allow the odel-crazy singer to have his wicked collaborative way. Never the twain, or at least not until they establish some sex laws.

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