matchormismatch fantasy relationships that might just work by nicky

MARGARET THATCHER

NICOLAS CAGE Background The Iron Lady was born October 13, 1925, the child of a grocer. She was an extraordinarily gifted child, and won a bursary to Oxford, where she studied chemistry. Margaret Hilda then worked as a researcher for an industrial firm, before finding her ruthless niche in the practice of taxation law in 1954.

Appearance Francois Mitterand once described Thatch as having "the lips of Marilyn Monroe, and the eyes of Caligula". But then, he was Francois Mitterand, the forefather of the blind, middle way. Others would not be so kind, seeing the Baroness as the human equivalent of a particularly bad statue - featureless, faceless and hewn from granite.

Hobbies Thatcher the Milk Snatcher enjoys many things. Her biggest fear, it has recently been revealed, is paddling in shallow water. But this is no slight case of hydrophobia - Lady Thatcher is scared she might melt.

Track record Margaret Thatcher doesn't have sex. Despite the existence of twin children Carol and Mark, the nation knows she couldn't, wouldn't and most definitely shouldn't ever have. Submission? Sharing? Conjugal gratification and jouissance? Those are dirty, hirsute, Lefty ideals. As if Background The silver screen's Evil One was born the instantly illustrious Nicolas Coppola on January 7, 1964, in Long Beach, California. His mother was a manic depressive dancer, his father a literature professor named August. He changed his surname at 15, determined to purge his family fame and make it on his own.

Appearance Nic's a sallow kind of man, the type who looks as if he's eaten too many dodgy mussels in his time. But it's his imperfect, almost earthly looks that set him apart, causing many mortal females to see him as approachable and attainable, much to his ex-wife's chagrin.

Hobbies Old Nic lives in an LA apartment, an LA country house, a San Francisco mansion and a faux-German castle in the Hollywood Hills, dresses in Armani, drives fancy cars, works out and writes the occasional poem.

Track record Cage is a notorious romantic, and while wooing childhood sweetheart Patricia Arquette, Nic was only too happy to meet her increasingly difficult challenges in order to win her heart. His endeavours paid off, and the couple wedded in April 1995, but separated in March 1996.

Match or Mismatch Nic and Thatch may have shared a penchant for playing emperors of evil in the past. While Nic would surely enjoy the kudos, the power, the innate Britishness of a flirtation with the Iron Lady, his liberal upbringing and love of romance would surely prevent such an unheavenly alliance of minds. His literary hopes would be quashed, his poetic soul torn asunder, and the sex? A sure- fire case of bringing out the dead.

Copyright 2000
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