match or mismatch fantasy relationships that might just work

elvis presley Background Mississippi King Elv was born one of twins on January 8, 1935. His brother died at birth, and daddy Vernon and Momma Gladys were fiercely protective of their remaining son. An ardent believer and natural born singer, Elvis was a choirboy until he started high school. A ton of hairwax and six swivels of the hips later, the angel had tasted the devil's music - and a star was born.

Appearance Fluid. Although he maintained his baby blue eyes and unruly dark locks throughout his life, the holy body of the King mutated and fluctuated beyond belief. Elvis travelled the winding road from cheekboned underwear-wetter to bulbous Lord of the Pies in a simple matter of years.

Hobbies Elvis was never one for half measures. He loved, lived, and died large, eating, drinking and seducing his way into oblivion and myth. Being a King meant living the life: wrecking hotel rooms, sleeping around, using handguns to blast big holes in the odd household appliance and eating everything in sight. With fries on.

Track record Being a God-fearing man and all, Elvis should have known to stay away from the chicks. But his swivelling ways got the better of him, and soon the chicks led to the fried chicken and then to certain doom. Even his marriage to Priscilla Beaulieu couldn't save his soul, and he was found dead, The Scientific Search For The Face Of Jesus in his hand, unloved by either ladies or Lord.

DELIA SMITH Background Born into a Methodist family in suburban Kent in 1942, Delia converted to Catholicism at the age of 22. Before settling on her role as a top-selling author and celebrity chef, she tried working as a hairdresser and a dishwasher. There can be no doubt, however, that Delia was born to peel, knead, fry, bake, grill, sizzle, drizzle, roast, toast and play host.

Appearance Predictable. To her critics, Delia may seem to epitomise the stereotype of eternally bored Middle Englishness. She's a rosy-cheeked, ruddy lass - and there's certainly nothing in her wardrobe to match the white jumpsuits, gold-trim kung fu outfits and gigantic mirrored shades of the King. Which is a shame, really.

Hobbies Delia excels in finding new ways to make old-fashioned food even more old-fashioned. She's on a one-woman mission to bring Britishness back into cooking. You want pecorino? Pine nuts? Parmesan? Don't be silly - boiled eggs and roast potatoes are where it's really at.

Track record As if the cake lady would have time for such frivolities! These days Delia is a happily married woman with no kids but a fancy Jaguar. Music may be the food of love, but Delia simply loves to cook food. And the only sticky encounter she's interested in is preparing a huge toffee pudding for her hubby.

MATCH OR MISMATCH?

Saints Alive! This match was truly devised up yonder. Elvis believes in good food and god fodder - ditto Lady D. His quest for salvation could only be aided by her loving, floury hands, and her suburban lifestyle and conservatory existence would welcome a hip- swivelling injection of true rock and roll. Together they could grow old and happy.

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