Your alternative, cut out-and-keep guide to the Carnival of Cricket

No major sporting event is complete without scandals. To help your enjoyment, MICHAEL WEINSTEIN tells you what to look for during the Cricket World Cup

TICKET ROWS:

Events of this magnitude are often cursed by squabbles over tickets. MCC members, like this gentleman, have had their noses put out of joint already by having to pay for tickets to the pavilion at Lord's. There could be more problems when the bills for corporate entertainment are placed in front of accounts departments across the country. BETTING: Aussies Shane Warne and Mark Waugh were hauled over the coals for providing information on weather and pitch conditions to a bookmaker. Any players hoping to make a fast buck for passing on similar information during the World Cup have clearly not taken into account the fact that it doesn't need Mystic Meg to predict English weather with absolute certainty. DRUGS: There have been problems with banned substances in cricket - just ask Warwickshire's Ed Giddins and Middlesex's Phil Tufnell. Cricketers are meant to be among the more intelligent sportsmen in this country so none should prove dopes this month. SLEDGING: Australia's reputation went downhill when Glenn McGrath was accused of a foulmouthed tirade at Alan Mullally during the last Ashes series. He was given a suspended fine. Stump microphones provide the perfect chance to learn friendly greetings in a number of different tongues DRINKING: Cricket is obsessed with figures but Wisden does not record the unofficial records for spectacular drinking. In any knockout tournament boos are usually followed by booze. The only time England coach David Lloyd will accept corks popping will be after a victory in the final. Some of the other matches will be small beer, however, and players and spectators need something to do during all that rain. UMPIRING: When the pressure gets to the players, the umpires are likely to get it in the neck. Earlier this year Sri Lanka captain Arjuna Ranatunga and Aussie ump Ross Emerson put their fingers on the problem. BALL TAMPERING: Offenders names will be dirt. Mike Atherton will vouch for the problems that can arise when accused of ball tampering. Cricketers are known to use their finger nails, suncream and even bottle tops to alter the surface of the ball to aid the bowler. Close-up cameras seam the answer. PUNCH-UPS: Cricket has had problems with fisticuffs both on and off the field. Crowds at Headingley and, most recently in Guyana and Barbados have caused mayhem and Darren Gough was in hot water for feigning a head-butt. If it happens in the World Cup, expect the authorities to provide the punchline. SEX: With 12 teams of fit, young athletes kicking their heels in hotel bedrooms for the next six weeks, will they: A) Lie back and think of England? B) Discuss the merits of making balls swing? C) Use old lines about maidens, fine legs and middle stumps? or D) All go to bed early?

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