DEAR BANKSY

Put safety belts on pub stools so you can't end bottoms up

pounds 100: A guy in my local reminded me the other night of the case of a man who has applied for legal aid to sue the landlord of a pub where he fell off a bar stool and broke a bone in his spine.

He claims the publican was negligent in letting him sit on the stool when drunk.

It happened in Ulster and legal experts are now warning that the outcome of the case could have implications for everyone in Britain.

The answer, perhaps, is for landlords to follow the example of some bars in America... where safety belts are fastened on bar stools for hard- drinking customers! - R. Bolitho, Shortlanesend, Cornwall.

Coming up: Baby-cham seats, lap (belt) dancing and a large belt of whisky!

pounds 5: WE must all feel sympathy for the parents of Louise Allen, who was kicked to death by two teenagers who were then released by the authorities after serving only one year of luxury at a detention centre in Tiffield, Northants.

The judge must have been mad to pass such a lenient sentence. When ARE the sentences going to fit the crime? - Mrs H. Jacklin, Long- Eaton, Notts.

Why does the law persistently punish crime against property more severely than offences against people?

pounds 5: TOO many promises made before an election are broken once the party is in power, so politicians should suffer financially for their deceit. For every promise not fulfilled within two years politicians should be fined pounds 5,000, the Cabinet pounds 10,000 - and the Prime Minister made to pay pounds 50,000. We will either have bankrupt - E. Truin, Worsley, Manchester.

Unfair: If voters expect promises then politicians will keep making them. Vote instead for the candidate who promises hard work and honest endeavour.

pounds 5: I CONFESS to being a TV sports' addict. But I wonder how many viewers are, like me, fed up to the back teeth with the attendant number of commentators and so-called analysts we have to endure. Big football events appear to require a studio coordinator, two or three in a panel of so-called experts, plus two more commentators at the match itself.

TV snooker, an entirely visual affair, produces two commentators who, quite unnecessarily in my view, give us statements of the blindingly obvious in virtual running commentaries.

The resultant verbal diarrhoea, so superfluous and irritating, spoils rather than enhances the entertainment, so much so that I now watch such events without sound. - L. W. Lloyd, Dudley, West Midlands.

Still better than being in the stadium, surrounded by 30,000 assorted know-alls, self-styled experts and boozy foul-mouths!

pounds 5: WHEN there are strikes by postmen, bus drivers, railway workers or firemen, I have some form of sympathy for them. But I await with delight industrial action by a breed who, over the years, have taken great pleasure in making my life a misery - TRAFFIC WARDENS. - A. Thorpe, Sale, Cheshire.

Honk if you support THAT view!

pounds 5MY husband is a very keen fisherman and he and some friends often hire a boat to go sea fishing.

One day, returning from a trip, they came upon a group of lobster pots. They stopped and their skipper pulled a couple of the pots on board and kept two lobsters.

Then, so as not to deprive the lobster fisherman of his catch, they put a bottle of malt whisky back in the empty pot and returned it to the seabed.

I would love to have been a fly on the wall when the lobster fisherman told that story of HIS strange catch to his mates in his local.- Mrs Greta French, Canterbury, Kent.

Clear case of smash and crab!

pounds 5IN last week's letters, Norman Pritchard fell into the trap of thinking that the old days were so honest that communities could leave their front doors open and still be safe.

Break-ins and burglaries were rare mainly because few people owned anything worth stealing.

We tend to view those "good old days" through rose-tinted spectacles. - F. Butler, Warrington, Cheshire.

Depends whether you prefer blinkers to rosy specs - violence, dishonesty and lack of respect have become commonplace in my lifetime.

pounds 5I WAS inexperienced and apprehensive when I arrived to teach my first English class as a volunteer at the local prison.

Looking round the room at the expectant faces, I decided I'd better start with the basics. But my first question could hardly have been more ill-chosen.

"I suppose you all know what a sentence is?"" I asked. - Mrs A. Boyle, Glenrothes, Fife.

That's what I call a short, sharp shock!

RETURN, RAQUEL!

Everybody I know was delighted to read in last week's Sunday Mirror that Sarah Lancashire would love to come back to Coronation Street as Raquel. We've really missed her, and the Street could do with some glamour. Then all us Street fans will be able to hold our heads up high against EastEnders! - Alec Webster, Bolton, Lancs

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