Reaction: Crass medalist Kass is everything the media desire

SALT LAKE CITY - It was in the middle of American history Monday, stuck inside our triple-crown victory in snowboarding, prominent and proud and propped up for all to see.

A blow-up doll.

No, this was not your average day on the slopes, unless your average day ends with an Olympic hero saying, "I've never tried to pick up a girl using a silver medal."

Ross Powers, Danny Kass and J.J. Thomas did something the United States hadn't done at the Winter Games since 1956 when they swept their event, the men's half-pipe.

Kass later did something perhaps never done in any version of the Games, answering repeated questions about drinking, partying and his inflated friend.

Then there was the subject of his post-competition drug test, the results of which, at least based on the line of questioning, would seem to be in doubt.

"It went great," the 19-year-old from New Jersey said. "I drank so much water, I still have to go to the bathroom."

For the record, the doll is the unofficial mascot of Grenade Gloves, a company started by Kass and his brother, Matt.

Also for the record, the United States would be near the bottom of the medal table if not for these new grunge-based, head-banging, MTV- infested Olympic sports. Of the Americans' six medals, four are in snowboarding and one is in freestyle moguls.

So, if you don't think we rule snowboarding today you're high, meaning you might be a snowboarder.

Sorry about the jokes, but that's just this game's red-eyed image, an up-till-dawn, straight-from-the-bottle reputation we in the media love to perpetuate. Of course, people like Kass make our job so easy.

Last month, ESPN The Magazine detailed a story in which Kass, using his older brother's ID, began drinking at a 2001 snow sports show in Las Vegas at 11a.m. and, by 3p.m., was in handcuffs and barely escaping arrest.

Now the guy's an Olympic silver medalist? Give an honorary gold to his liver. The story also quoted an anonymous insider as saying, "Danny Kass is bringing snowboarding back to the dirtbags."

So, where's he taking the Olympics, an event that, before Monday, was about all things wholesome and pure, you know, like bribes, taxpayer fraud and supplement scandals?

The ESPN story, by the way, was not discovered through any exhaustive research. Instead, it was hand delivered in a promotional packet by a Team USA representative.

Thankfully, this fit of full closure ended before the sidewalk distribution of Danny Kass urine samples.

Appearing in only its second Olympiad, snowboarding still seems to fit the Games like a Speedo on a snowman.

The guy who finished seventh Monday - Heikki Sorsa of Finland - competed in an exaggerated Mohawk that would have made Don King snicker. The sport is still banned at some resorts, including Salt Lake's Park City until just recently.

The greatest thing about snowboarding is that the sport itself is a rebel. It doesn't need the Olympics like, say, speedskating, which for most people exists only for two weeks every four years.

In fact, it is the Olympics that need snowboarding. The discipline was added with hopes of attracting the younger crowd.

Given our success, we're all for keeping 'boarding around. Those Europeans and Canadians can have their goofy reindeer games, the curling and twirling and hurling and what not. We've got the guys mastering the lip tricks, ho-hos and stalefish.

Copyright 2002
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