Alcohol nearly destroyed me. I want to save others from that fate

I DISCOVERED football before alcohol, but when I was 19 football had stopped "working" to fill the emptiness and loneliness I felt. I had always abstained from sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, but then it started to explode, usually with disastrous results.

After a Saturday-afternoon match I'd start drinking straight away; cans in the dressing room, then in pubs and clubs. Before I knew it, I'd be sitting alone, sweating in a pub on a Sunday evening, thinking what have I done?

Crashing my car [for which he served 58 days in prison for drinkdriving in 1990] and falling down some steps [at a nightclub in 1993, requiring 29 stitches] were the publicised incidents of an alcoholic.

I was self-destructing, yet in denial that I had a drinking problem.

Sometimes I was still drunk from the night before while playing a match, especially when we played Sunday games. But the team was winning things, which masked it to some extent.

As Arsenal captain, I lifted three Championship trophies, two FA Cups, two League Cups and the European Cup-Winners Cup.

In the 1994/95 season, though, we finished about 10th in the league, which may have had something to do with the captain being down the pub all the time.

Next season, I didn't play much due to injuries, which were not helped by the fact that I was spending more time in pubs than on the training pitch.

I kept on passing boundaries that I'd set myself. I swore that if my wife left me I'd stop drinking. When she left me, though, I carried on.

Then I promised myself that if I lost my kids, I'd stop - but I didn't.

What finally got to me was the inner trauma that I faced every time I drank, and the deep terror, bewilderment and despair. I stayed sober in April 1996 for three weeks, and then got drunk again. I thought: "I don't know how to do this."

That May and June, I threw myself into the European Championships as the captain of England and didn't touch a drop. When we were knocked out on penalties by Germany in the semi-finals, I knew I was going to get drunk. And I did - for the next seven weeks.

At the end of those seven weeks, I sat in a pub with a pint in front of me, and I cried and cried. I went home, shook, sweated and hallucinated, which I'd done many times, but I knew booze had finally done me in. I had taken - I hope - my last drink.

That was 16 August 1996.

The next day I went into work at Arsenal and met Paul Merson, who'd already admitted that he was an alcoholic and had been sober for 18 months.

I managed to tell him that I'd got an alcohol problem. He suggested I go to an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting.

I went to my first meeting and then did 90 more in the next 90 days.

In the following months I was guided through the 12-Step programme of recovery by other alcoholics. Doing the 12 Steps showed me who I really was and why I was obsessed with drink.

I was taught at AA that alcoholics have a physical allergy and a mental obsession, which means we can't drink alcohol as most people can.

Once we start we can't stop.

A friend who worked for British Rail told me that if you had a problem with booze at BR, you went to its counselling service. I looked at what the Professional Footballer's Association (PFA) was doing, and it wasn't really doing anything. I thought there's got to be some way.

The Sporting Chance clinic and charity was formed after I'd been sober for four years - to provide support, counselling, treatment and aftercare to sportspeople who are suffering from alcoholism, drug abuse, compulsive gambling and eating disorders. The PFA contributes Pounds 150,000 a year.

It's based at a country club in Hampshire, away from public glare, where sufferers and their families, who are also often affected, get help from expert addiction therapists, nutritionists and fitness consultants. They attend either residentially or on a day-care basis.

Treatment comprises one-to-one therapy, twice a day for hour-long sessions with addiction therapist James West, as well as group work with fellow addicts seeking to recover. We'll also go with them to AA meetings.

I'm at Wycombe Wanderers now, but I'm still involved with Sporting Chance and I'm proud of what I've done. I've got a good team there, doing a fantastic job.

If one of them says to me, "We've got someone who might need some involvement from you," I'm in there like a shot.

. www.sportingchancecharity.com.

. www.

alcoholicsanonymous.org.uk, 0845 7697555.

. www.na.org (Narcotics Anonymous), 020 7251 4007.

. www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk, 08700 508880.

(c)2004. Associated Newspapers Ltd.. Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved.