'There was nothing I could do as the bombs dropped. I just remember

IT has been called the forgotten war. For veterans such as Simon Weston it is anything but. Now that the number of suicides by British personnel who fought in the Falklands is estimated to have exceeded the number of servicemen killed during the conflict, Weston's mission to return to the South Atlantic to try to "put the Falkland Islands behind me" is a monumental one.

The 20th anniversary of the Falklands conflict has led to a massive renewal of interest in the campaign, the controversies surrounding it, and those who fought there. BBC1's tribute to those who took part in the conflict, Simon's Heroes, which will be screened this Tuesday, focuses on Weston, the Welsh Guardsman who was horrifically burned when the troop-carrier HMS Sir Galahad was bombed. Weston believes it was "the last solely British conflict we'll ever be involved in".

It was only a month after the Argentine invasion that the Welsh Guards, along with the 2nd Scots Guards, 7th Gurkha Rifles and 5th Infantry Brigade, set sail on the Queen Elizabeth II as part of the British task force, heading for San Carlos on the Falkland Islands. It took them three weeks to get there; and after the luxury of life on the liner, there were more than a few grumbles as the troops were transferred to the far less comfortable Galahad. On the morning of June 7, while the Galahad was moored at Fitzroy Bay under a bright blue sky, British-made but Argentine-flown Skyhawks were heard overhead. Within seconds three bombs had scored direct hits on the troop carrier. A fourth bomb missed, hitting the water.

Recalling that moment in the documentary, Weston can bring to mind only the bright array of colours blazing before his eyes as the engine-room exploded and men around him, standing on the open tank deck, were hurled from one end of the vessel to the other. "There was nowhere you could go, nothing you could do," he says as he looks around the newly restored Sir Galahad, trying to picture exactly where he stood when the bombs were dropped. "I just remember this terrible feeling of helplessness".

In 1982 Weston was 20 years old. He survived the attack with 46% burns, one of 150 personnel injured. Rescue helicopter crews risked their own safety time and time again, airlifting stranded soldiers from a ship that they were certain was going to explode at any moment. Forty-seven men died during the air strike and those who survived suffered unimaginable injuries. There were bodies that were broken and burnt; bodies with missing limbs. All were taken to a disused refrigeration plant at Ajax Bay which had been turned into a field hospital.

Weston's memories of his arrival at the hospital are, unsurprisingly, hazy. In shock, he was "shouting and performing, I suppose". His condition was so appalling, he says, that it was upsetting the other injured soldiers. Yet the fact he can recall this event with some humour - in the programme he tells surgeon Charles Batty, who treated his burns, that he would have exchanged his whole family for cold drinks, he was so thirsty all the time - says much for Weston's recovery over the last 20 years. Now a married father of three, he has experienced bouts of depression and unemployment, and undergone more than 70 operations which have grafted skin from 80% of his body.

As with so many people who live through horrific and life- threatening experiences, part of his recovery process was putting something back into the society that helped him. He set up a charity for unemployed teenagers in Liverpool, and was recently honoured with the freedom of the city.

Weston says the point of his return to the islands was not just to lay his ghosts to rest but "to tell people the bits that haven't been said before - from my perspective - and, most importantly, for other people to tell their stories". Yet some of those stories have proved impossible to re-tell. Not because, in all their horror, they convey the kind of unimaginable pain and suffering that results from war, but because they have been repressed because of their highly controversial nature.

After the Galahad was hit, questions were asked both by war observers and those in the field about the reasons for what was the biggest British setback of the whole conflict. Why were the Welsh Guards stuck on a troop carrier that day, waiting to disembark under a cloudless sky, clearly vulnerable to attack? Why were they there for so long? Weston himself offers a reason: "The ship was still sitting in the bay while officers rowed about where we should be dropped off."

The perception that commanding officers got their wires crossed has been reinforced by reports and books on the conflict. The Welsh Guards were to get to Bluff Cove from San Carlos Bay and officers had indeed been debating how that should journey should be made - whether over land, a more arduous route taking up more time, or by sea and at night. Meanwhile, as a result of problems with the signal network, 5th Brigade HQ was apparently under the impression that the Guards had already arrived at Bluff Cove.

The Galahad had sailed to Fitzroy Bay from San Carlos, arriving there early on the morning of June 7, rather than going to Bluff Cove, which is where commanding officers had expected it to be. As there were no landing craft for the soldiers to disembark at Fitzroy, everyone was still on board, awaiting further orders, when the Argentine planes hit. The troops were sitting ducks. From a tactical point of view the air strike was a disaster; for its victims it was truly appalling.

Individuals have been blamed and reasons sought for this tragedy in the intervening years. In spite of then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's claims of victory, the exposition of military blunders and questioning of political motives have tarnished our view of the conflict.

Major-General Andrew Whitehead, leader of the 45 Command Royal Marines serving in the Falklands at the time, defends the decision to send troops to the South Atlantic.

"It is not my role or position to comment on the political angle," says Whitehead, who now lives in Perthshire. "But the fact is that the people of the Falklands regarded themselves as part of Britain. They didn't wish to be part of Argentina, and in 1982 they were captured by force. There was a strong moral argument for doing something about it."

Whitehead has no doubts that the war was worth the sacrifice: "Nothing can compensate for the death of even one man, but we all join the services knowing that that is the business we're in." Responding to doubts expressed, soon after the conflict, that many of those sent out to the islands were under-prepared for the rough terrain they found there, he maintains his own marines were ready for battle. "Every winter the brigade goes to Norway for mountain training. We've been doing that ever since the 1970s, so we were extremely well prepared."

Now, 20 years after the conflict and as 45 Commando heads for Afghanistan to assist US forces, Whitehead says he has confidence in the ability of British forces to mount a campaign on their own - although he stresses that such a campaign would have to be from the sea. "We have got a number of new ships built or already in service to keep that possibility going," he says.

No amount of training or sophisticated weaponry, however, can ever prepare someone for the full horrors of war; that much Simon Weston's programme shows. While for some the campaign was an adventure - Colonel "Chip" Chapman remembers a night raid on Goose Green as "the most exciting night of my life" - others' experiences have resulted in years of nightmares, cold sweats and flashbacks. As veterans of the Falklands, Northern Ireland, Bosnia and the Gulf war recently took the Ministry of Defence to court for not preparing soldiers for the psychological impact of war or offering enough support afterwards, it seems that the services still have work to do for those who fight. It is possible that, in returning to the scene of his injuries and facing the past, Simon Weston is showing them a way.

Simon's Heroes, Tuesday, 9pm, BBC 1

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