Change your Life in 80 ways. 1-40; Dance, shave, drink, shoplift,

1. HAVE MORE SEX Good for your heart and an ideal way to burn calories, sex can also give your immune system a boost. People who have sex once or twice a week have increased levels of immunoglobulin A, the first line of defence against colds and flu. And there's more: the feel-good chemical oxytocin is released when your sense of touch is stimulated, while painkilling endorphins are released at the point of orgasm.

2. Have sex outdoors Also known as "doing a Lorraine Kelly". One unforeseen side effect of global warming is that more and more Britons are having al fresco sex. The thrill comes from the possibility of being caught in the act; the downside for Scots is the very real possibility of a midgie bite on the bum.

3. STOP HAVING SEX No, really. If you aren't in a steady relationship, the pressure of finding someone to have sex with, deciding exactly when to have sex with them, and then worrying about whether they actually like having sex with you can be exhausting, demoralising, and when you really get down to it, much ado about nothing. Make a pact with yourself not to have sex for six months. Instead, spend time concentrating on your non-sexual needs and consider what you really want to get out of a relationship. It may not be easy, but you'll certainly feel more serene. Look at it as a way of de-cluttering your personal life (and bedroom).

4. Get a nutritionist Once it was a personal trainer, now the ultimate lifestyle accessory to trickle down from the celebrity- sphere is a nutritionist. By monitoring your diet and suggesting changes, they can cure acne, help you lose weight, cheer you up, and increase your chances of getting pregnant.

The British Association for Nutritional Therapists (08706 061284; www.bant.org.uk) has members throughout Scotland.

5. GO TO THE CINEMA ON A WEEKDAY AFTERNOON Ideally this will be combined with taking a sickie from work for the ultimate in verboten pleasure.

6. Take a lunch break Eleven per cent of women and a quarter of all men don't stop working for lunch. Make the time. Even leaving the office for 15 minutes will provide you with fresh air, exercise and food, leaving you perkier and more creative in the afternoon.

7. Drink water Slosh back two litres of water a day to flush out toxins and kickstart your metabolism. Cue better skin, a cleaner system and fresher breath. It's the anti-lager!

8. Make your own juice Cheaper and much more fun than buying cartons of juice from the supermarket. Make juicing your short-cut to vitamins and antioxidants, while experimenting with flavour combinations that Sainsbury's would never think of. Kenwood does a great fruit and vegetable juice extractor for (pounds) 29.99.

9. Kick the Bloody Mary, kick back with the celery In the long term, alcohol can cause liver damage, high blood pressure and osteoporosis. In the shorter term, you'll make a fool of yourself, fall out with your friends over the correct name of the toad in Bagpuss, and sleep with aliens from Planet Freakazoid. So cut back on the booze including those restorative Bloody Marys. But keep the celery that comes with them as it is a sedative which will help lower your blood pressure and calm you down.

10. Drink better booze On the other hand, drinking is a good laugh and Scots are pretty good at it. But let's make 2003 the year our hangovers were worth the trouble. Try Grey Goose or Wyborowa vodka, and Tanqueray or Bombay Sapphire gin. Whisky is a matter of taste but always drink single malts. If you're buying beer, make it Czech or Belgian.

11. Get some sleep Don't get too hung up on being in bed for eight hours. Quality of sleep is just as important. Five-and-a-half hours (the "core" amount required) of complete rest is better than ten hours of tossing and turning. Improve the quality of your kip by avoiding caffeine from lunchtime onwards, and have a 30-minute bath two hours before going to bed.

12. Start shoplifting Well, it seems to have worked for Winona, who is reportedly being offered more film roles than ever before, thus stealing a march on Hollywood's younger actresses. She has also been signed up to model for Marc Jacobs, the designer label whose clothes she nicked. Of course, were you and I to follow Winona's example we'd probably end up in Cornton Vale or Bar-L rather than the Chateau Marmont.

13. Beat A Retreat Sometimes you just have to take a step back from life. Scotland has no shortage of retreats, places you can go from a complete break from the hurly-burly of modern living, for example Newbold House within the Findhorn Foundation Community, and the Samye Ling Monastery in Eskdalemuir, Dumfrieshire.

For information on breaks which emphasise renewal and personal growth, contact The Retreat Company (0116 259 9211; www.retreat- co.co.uk) or read the suggestions on page 52 14. Buy the albums of Dexys Midnight Runners There's so much more to them than Come On feckin' Eileen. Their classic debut Searching For The Young Soul Rebels, all brass and anger and lust, is just the thing to brighten up January. Plus, it's only (pounds) 2.99 in the Virgin sale.

15. gotta dance (right) It's keep fit with flirting. When you dance, your body releases endorphins which make you feel good. If you prefer something more structured than clubbing, enrol at a dance class. Ceroc, a kind of modern jive, can be learned throughout Scotland.

Call Ceroc Scotland on 01324 613 209/01506 400 654 (www.cerocscotland.com). Dance Base, Scotland's National Centre For Dance, offers classes in more than 40 forms of dance, from breakdancing to Egyptian belly dancing (0131 225 5525; www.dancebase.co.uk).

16. Buy a plant And keep it in the office. Specifically, buy a spider plant as these are particularly efficient at filtering out toxins from the atmosphere and replacing them with oxygen. Spider plants are good at absorbing radiation from your VDU. They're nice that way.

17. Deal with the bad stuff Every morning, whether at work or at home, get the most unpleasant task of the day out of the way first. That way it won't be looming over you and the rest of your day will be much more enjoyable.

18. Grow a beard (above) Male readers may find this easier to achieve. Women may have to settle for being 'a beard', pretending to be the lover of a famous gay man who, for whatever reason, is still in the closet.

19. COME OUT OF THE CLOSET Being open about your sexuality will allow yourself to be recognised for the person you are. More importantly, you will have more respect for yourself if you are honest; you will no longer be lying to the world and acting as if you have to apologise for yourself. Plus, it'll be easier to score. For advice on coming out, contact the Scottish regional lesbian and gay helplines (Borders Gay Switchboard, 01896 756 611; Dumfries & Galloway L&G Phoneline, 01387 261 818; Dundee LGB Switchboard, 01382 202 620; Fife Friend, 01592 266 688; Grampian LGB Switchboard, 01224 633 500; Lothian G&L Switchboard, 0131 556 4049; Lothian Lesbian Line, 0131 557 0751; Moray LGB Switchboard, 01343 541 188; Strathclyde G&L Switchboard, 0141 332 8372; Strathclyde Lesbian Line, 0141 354 0400).

20. Straighten up Stop slumping around the place. Hold your head up, keep your shoulders back and your spine straight. This will help you breathe more easily, and you will appear more confident.

For more information, read up on the Alexander Technique, a way of using posture to get rid of harmful tension in the body, at www.alexandertechnique.com.

21. Have a baby Not exactly trendy given that the birth rate in Scotland is currently at its lowest since records began in 1855, a fact which may be linked to the fact that it costs an estimated (pounds) 100,000-(pounds) 300,000 to raise a child from birth to adulthood. However, if you want to change your life, having a child is just about the most radical step you can take.

For useful information on having a baby, contact the National Childbirth Trust (0870 7703236; www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com).

22. Foster/adopt a child If you think that you would be good at caring for a child but are unable or unwilling to have one yourself, perhaps you should consider adoption or foster care. There are around 45,000 children who need fostering each year and 37,000 foster carers in the UK. Unmarried couples in England and Wales - gay or straight - are now allowed to adopt children, thanks to a law passed last year. It is thought that Scotland will soon follow suit.

For more information, contact the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (Scotland) on 0131 225 9285 (www.baaf.org.uk).

23. EMPLOY A LIFE COACH Okay, life coaching sounds a bit New Agey and Ab Fab, but life is hard and having someone in your corner, a professional who is paid to help you make the most of yourself, can make all the difference. There are coaches who will help you boost your income, improve your social skills, eat healthily, and even clarify your goals in life.

For more information, contact the International Coach Federation (0870 751 8823; www.coachfederation.org.uk).

24. MAKE MORE FRIENDS It's easy in this hectic world to narrow your social circle to colleagues, partner and the relatives you can bear. While it's good to have only a few very close relationships, having lots of friends can make life more fun. Making friends is easier than you might think. Really listen to people when they are talking to you, call when you say you will, go to parties when invited, and try to remember information about people so that when you meet again you can demonstrate you were interested in them. You'll soon go from hermit to gadfly.

25. REVISIT A CHILDHOOD HOBBY Why did childhood seem more fun? Because it was. Recreate the golden years by going back to the model railway, horse riding and bird watching. Mix nostalgia with a toned body by starting ballet classes. And work childhood games into your fitness routine by buying a hula-hoop, skipping rope or small trampoline. NB: Your thirtysomething friends will probably not want to play kiss, cuddle or torture.

26. GO RUNNING It's the ultimate old school get-fit-quick technique, it's absolutely free, you can do it anywhere at any time, and is endorsed by everyone from Madonna to George W Bush. Good for your heart, good for your waistline and good for your wallet, regular running will put you on the fast track to a better life.

27. GO SWIMMING The perfect exercise, which may be why you never see a fat fish. Swimming promotes strength, stamina and mobility, and burns up calories. Water aerobics are increasingly popular, especially among pregnant women, who find the water cools them and helps support their weight.

For information on swimming pools in your area, contact the local council or look in Yellow Pages (online at www.search.yell.com) for private baths.

28. TAKE UP A NEW SPORT But running and swimming can get a bit dull after a while, right? Inject some fun by discovering a new sport; archery, caving, paragliding, ju-jitsu and shinty are just a few options.

For information on activities in your area, contact Sport Scotland (0131 317 7200; www.sportscotland.org.uk).

29. USE MENTAL ARITHMETIC Having given your body a workout, move on to the brain. Using your head instead of a calculator is a great way to get those synapses firing and to see if you remember long division from school.

30. CUT UP YOUR CREDIT CARDS It may seem fabulous to be able to buy that posh frock as soon as you lay eyes on it, but why should you end up paying more than it is worth? Saving up for something you want is immensely satisfying, being in debt is immensely unsatisying. And if you must use a credit card, be sure to pay the entire bill as soon as it comes in. That way the credit card companies are working for you, allowing you to defer costs, but you are not adding to their coffers through interest.

31. GROW YOUR EYEBROWS With Frida, Salma Hayek's biopic of iconic monobrowed painter Frida Kahlo, set for release on February 28, the days of tweezing could well be over. About plucking time.

32. KNOW YOUR HISTORY Other than being in love, nothing makes you feel in harmony with existence quite like understanding the lives that came before. For a hands-on approach to history, visit this country's incredible historic sites. For starters, see Edinburgh Castle, Jedburgh Abbey, and the amazingly preserved prehistoric village of Skara Brae in Orkney. Or just drive around randomly with an OS map.

For more information, see The National Trust for Scotland at www.nts.org.uk, and Historic Scotland at www.historic- scotland.gov.uk.

33. DRAW YOUR FAMILY TREE All the benefits of the above go double for knowing your own family history. Thanks to the internet, research has never been easier. The Scotland's People website (www.scotlands people.gov.uk) contains a searchable index of Scottish births from 1553-1901, marriages from 1553-1926 and deaths from 1855-1951. For (pounds) 6 you can use the site for a 24-hour period or download 30 pages of information, whichever comes first.

34. LOVE YOUR SKIN No need to go overboard with treatments; after all, the skin sheds itself every 28 days, but a few golden rules should see you glowing. One: always cleanse before going to bed, so helping your skin repair itself. Two: don't pick spots or other blemishes, they'll take longer to heal. Three: firmly but gently massage your skin using a good facial oil, always moving upwards and outwards.

35. VISIT A SPA Although you can look after your own skin using the rules above, sometimes it's nice to call in an expert for a little pampering - facials, massage, wraps and so on.

Try One, the spa at Edinburgh's Sheraton Grand Hotel (0131 221 7777; www.one-spa.com), the Oshi spa at Lang's Hotel, Glasgow (0141 333 1500), Stobo Castle health spa in the Borders (01721 760249; www.stobocastle.co.uk), or The Spa at The Old Course Hotel, St Andrews (01334 474371; www.oldcoursehotel.co.uk).

36. LEARN MASSAGE/AROMATHERAPY/

REFLEXOLOGY If you'd like to become a qualified practitioner of any of the above, contact the Falkirk-based Academy of Aromatherapy and Massage Scotland (01324 612658; www.taams.co.uk). You should also contact Learn Direct Scotland (0808 100 9000; www.learndirectscotland.com) for information on a wide range of courses throughout the country.

37. HAVE A MANICUREYour nails are just as important as your skin. And elegant, healthy, non-bitten nails create a strong first impression. Nails Inc, the favourite salon of pamper-crazed celebs, has a branch in House Of Fraser in Glasgow (0141 221 3880; extension 2007). The Nail Factory is long established in Edinburgh (0131 221 1880). The Cameo Health and Beauty Salon in Aberdeen (01224 639982) offers manicures and pedicures for both men and women as well as a range of other treatments.

38. GUYS, TREAT YOURSELF The recently-opened Men's Room is a male- only grooming parlour which offers hot towel shaves, tanning, manicures, pedicures, facials, massage, electrolysis and other beauty treatments. Go in like Badly Drawn Boy, come out like James Bond.

The Men's Room, 130 Great Western Road, Glasgow, 0141 332 1001.

39. LEARN TO COOK Become a domestic god/goddess by attending one of Scotland's growing number of cook schools. This magazine's Nick Nairn says that if you visit his Port of Menteith school, he can make you an accomplished cook in just five days (01877 385603; www.nairnscookschool.com); chefs at the Ailsa Cooking School, based at the Turnberry hotel (01655 334 175; www.turnberry.co.uk), reckon they can do it in four. Meanwhile, Grassroots - the Glasgow supermarket, deli and cafe - offers a range of vegetarian classes (0141 353 3278; www.grassrootsorganic.com) starting from January 28. And if you yearn to know your maki from your sashimi, contact Glasgow- based Japanese chef Kumiko Hatori, who will teach you to make sushi (0141 332 5707; www.learn sushi.co.uk).

40. LEARN A LANGUAGE You know how it is, you go abroad and everyone speaks English anyway, so what's the point? Well, the point is that that makes the entire world smarter, more cosmopolitan, and way more goddamn sexy than any of us Brits warbling on about "Doo bee- ares, seel vooz plate." The French Institute (0131 225 5366; www.ifecosse.org.uk) offers French classes in Edinburgh, as does Alliance Francaise in Glasgow (0141 339 4281; www.afglasgow.org.uk). You can learn German at Glasgow's Goethe Institut (0141 332 2555; www.goethe.de/gr/gla/). For more on these and other languages, contact your local university or college for information on adult education classes, or contact Learn Direct Scotland (0808 100 9000; www.learndirectscotland.com).

Copyright 2003 SMG Sunday Newspapers Ltd.
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