Volunteering feeds the soul and may help find soul mate

Every Christmas, when I go home to visit my family, my mother politely asks if I am in a serious relationship.

The last few Christmases, she hasn't liked the answer.

Being a mother to the core, she shakes her head woefully. Clearly my being single is robbing her of the grandchildren she so richly deserves.

Of course, her disappointment with my bachelor ways lasts only a moment. Then -- as if on cue -- a big smile lights up her face as she fires the next salvo: "You need to start going to church. You will meet really cute girls there!"

She says it every year. It's getting to be as much a part of the holiday season for me as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and "It's a Wonderful Life."

Every year, I agree with her: Yes, I should go to church more often. Yes, I should put more focus on the decrepit state of my soul. But, I always insist stoically, I don't believe that I should go to church with the sole intent of meeting eligible women.

If God had intended for us to pick up women at churches, he would not have invented dance clubs, because it is obvious that dance clubs serve no other purpose except, possibly, as repository for awful music.

I have always believed acts of nobility should be performed for their own sake, and not for the sake of looking good or, more to the point, scoring with chicks.

Granted, for generations average people have been going out of their way to perform heroic feats to impress women. Do you really think Sir Edmund Hillary would have climbed to the top of Mount Everest if he weren't trying to show off for Queen Elizabeth? Heck no -- and she was already married.

I'd bet if Alexander Graham Bell didn't want to call his sweetie on the phone, he never would have invented it.

But occasionally I run into someone who points out that pitching in for a volunteer cause or joining a singles group at church is not only a great way to show the opposite sex your sensitive side, it's also a great way to get involved in the community.

So let's address this question: Is it better to do something good with poor intentions than to do nothing at all with the best of intentions?

It's easy to take the high road and not get involved with a charity, your community or your church because you feel you would just be using the experience to expand your dating pool. But in the process of expanding your dating horizons, you might actually reach out and help somebody, or find peace within yourself.

When it comes to lending a hand to help someone, the ends justify the means. Although you may have started filling out donation cards or giving blood because a girl said those things were sexy, in time you will feel good about doing them for their own sake.

And if you happen to make a bunch of friends or maybe meet your soul mate while you are on the path of self-enrichment, all the better.

Look at me. A few months ago I got involved with a charity, and in the process of raising money for a good cause I met a gorgeous girl.

Maybe my mother was right. Maybe it is OK to get involved with something good for the wrong reason as long as something positive gets accomplished.

So with the holiday season staring into our faces, it's time to accept the challenge to return something to our community. Get in touch with your YMCA and offer some time, or pitch in at another charitable organization.

How can you lose? You'll make your mom happy, maybe meet your future mate and, most important, feel good about yourself.

Copyright 2001 Cowles Publishing Company
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