Legends of Wrestling

When it comes to great concepts for games, few touch my nostalgia bone like Legends of Wrestling. Like it was yesterday, I remember being near tears while watching Hulk Hogan flop on the mat like he'd been lobotomized (fine, yes, I was rewatching Wrestlemania III yesterday). Still, my youth was defined by Koko B. Ware elbow drops, an unabashed hatred for a man called the Iron Sheik, and the hope that Saturday Night Live would be pre-empted by the WWF. Ridiculous, I'll admit. But wrestling was pure then (in my day).

So, making this game seems like a brilliant call by Acclaim. The people who played Atari now have PS2s. The smart ones, at least. And why not drum up old memories and put them in a game?

Maybe this is why: Because the game is slow, boring and features less moves from 1989 and more moves from last week's WWF Raw (there weren't chokeslams back then! The Hogan leg drop was the raciest move going in the heyday).

It's not that I hate this game. My heart tells me to like it. It has Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, for the love of God! But the $50 in your wallet tells me to hate it, and hate it in such a way that you know that you should only risk renting it. Renting it is fine. You should rent it. And then, if you earned a degree in law instead of gardening, you can afford it along with WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It.

The issues are these: The game is very mechanical. Grab a guy, wait three seconds, perform a move. Grab a guy, wait three seconds, perform (likely) the same move. It's much different than Acclaim's earlier wrestling games, thankfully, but it's just not tight enough. And it's so...painfully... slow. There are really nice strings of moves and counters, but they'll put you to sleep before the sleeper move does. Plus, the Create-A-Wrestler is sadder than a wrestling legend bagging groceries at the local Winn-Dixie.

If you pronounce the word "wrestling" as "rasslin,'" then this game's for you. Otherwise, layeth the smacketh down, youngster.

Copyright © 2004 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved. Originally appearing in Official U.S. PlayStation Magazine.