The spiritual craft of forgiveness: its need and potential in children's peer relations and spiritual development.

Flanagan, Kelly S. ; Loveall, Rebecca ; Carter, J. Carrick 等

Human relationships are fraught with conflict. Forgiveness offers a response to the suffering and woundedness associated with conflict. Furthermore, as Christians we are called to extend to others the forgiveness God gives us. In the last two decades, many researchers have broadened our understanding of the process of forgiveness from a psychological and theological perspective among adults. This article attempts to take their theories and findings into the realm of childhood peer relations by drawing from multiple fields of study. The rich, complex, and unique nature of children's spirituality is explored with a particular focus on the salience and importance of relationships. Conflict among peers is common and relevant to children's spirituality, and ripe for developing the spiritual craft of forgiveness. The authors argue that children are capable of responding with forgiveness and that the process of forgiveness should be nurtured in children for their spiritual development. This article is an effort to expand the discussion of forgiveness in childhood and into the realm of children's peer relations. Therefore, hypotheses about children's engagement in forgiveness are discussed, and suggestions of next steps for undertaking cross-disciplinary research focused on forgiveness in childhood peer relations are made.

... forgiveness involves the lifelong process of learning a craft. There are no shortcuts; and those who genuinely seek to embody Christian forgiveness will find that it involves profoundly disorienting yet life-giving transformations of their life, their world, and their capacity for truthful communion. (Jones, 1995, p. xiii)

Even in the healthiest of intimate relationships (i.e., satisfied, stable marriages and supportive childhood friendships), conflict is an ever-present factor that often results in suffering and woundedness. Many possible responses, such as retaliation, retribution, avoidance and exclusion, escalate the conflict. An alternative and profound way to respond to such hurt is through forgiveness (Jones, 1995; Worthington, 2006).

As Christians we are emphatically and undisputedly called to extend forgiveness to others as God has forgiven us. Forgiveness can be both a healing response reflecting the abundance of grace which we have received, and an intentional and faithful response to God's spiritual command. Further, in the psychological literature, forgiveness has been related to positive adjustment whereas there are negative consequences with unforgiveness (Worthington, 2006; Worthington & Wade, 1999). Forgiveness then is a response with both spiritual and psychological implications. The capacity for forgiveness needs to be nurtured and practiced synergistically with the Holy Spirit's working in us. When engaged faithfully and thoroughly, the craft of forgiveness is integral to the lifelong process of spirituality and psychological health.

We argue that childhood through adolescence is a fertile ground for nurturing the spiritual craft of forgiveness. As children are in the midst of developing the emotional, behavioral, and cognitive skills to cultivate and maintain relationships, their peer relationships in particular are fraught with conflict that increases in frequency and intensity from the preschool years and throughout formal schooling (Denham, Neal, Wilson, Pickering, & Boyatzis, 2005; Parker, Rubin, Erath, Wojslawowicz, & Buskirk, 2006). The complexity and conflict inherent in peer experiences can have a multitude of negative effects upon a child's self-image and capacity to relate to others. Children must learn how to cope with relational wounds and maintain social competence. Motivation to actively respond with forgiveness may provide a child with a sense of efficacy, peace and purpose in response to the offense, thereby reducing the negative impact of such wounds. Likewise, if a child practices self-forgiveness in the face of their relational missteps a healthy sense of self and self-efficacy may be more easily maintained. Over time, the ability to forgive should positively impact the way in which a child generally responds to relational conflict--a craft that will carry over into adulthood. Thus, engaging in forgiveness could heal the wounds children experience and also contribute to their social competence and spiritual calling to love others including those who hurt them (Luke 6:27-36; Matthew 22:39).

We will argue that an in-depth study of forgiveness within children's peer relationships is long overdue as there has been little theoretical attention to children's forgiveness and even less empirical research. For this argument, we draw from and attempt to bring together several bodies of literature to provide a foundation for the study of children's forgiveness. We first will explicate the theological underpinnings of forgiveness as a response to the interpersonal conflicts that children increasingly face throughout their development. We will briefly review the psychological literature that places forgiveness within a stress-and-coping framework and in the context of social competence. Further, literature on children's spirituality and social development will advance the argument that we must attend to the facilitation of forgiveness among children. This argument will include a call to view children as spiritual beings who are fully capable of understanding and engaging in forgiveness, to come alongside them in their spiritual growth as they work through conflict with peers and the resulting challenge to their growing sense of self, and to truly foster a community that facilitates forgiveness among children.

The Gift of Forgiveness

A Theological View

Forgiveness is a gift from God--not something we have earned but something He freely gives. Forgiveness is also being love to others. It leads us to actively practice reconciliation and love in the face of our brokenness and to extend God's love to friends and enemies alike (1 John 4:7-12; Mathew 5:44, 18:35). Forgiveness involves naming and condemning the offense, yet not counting the offense against the offender but rather releasing any debt (Volf, 2005). This radical practice of love disrupts a potential cycle of conflict. God practices this radical form of love with us (1 John 1:9), God embraces us on the cross where our offenses are "named and condemned" and we are relased from any further debt. Self-forgiveness is recognizing God's unconditional embrace of us. Volf (2005) suggests that the ability and willingness to forgive is a powerful indicator of our reception of God's forgiveness. If we are unable to engage in this process then the offense continues to burden both the offender and us, and prohibits us from living as God intended us to live--in communion with Him and with others as a part of Christ's communal body.

Forgiveness that is extended and received is mutually beneficial for all involved (i.e., offenders and offended). As we are reminded in the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:12), there is an intimate link between God's forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of others, as we are to "respond to God's forgiveness by 'passing on' forgiveness to others" (Volf, 2005, p. 154). Indeed, we are called to forgiveness and unforgiveness has significant consequences (Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:14). It has been argued that forgiveness is the ultimate characteristic and necessary requirement of a Christian life (e.g., Jones, 1995). We are called not to take revenge ourselves but instead to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:19-21). Retributive justice alone, without forgiveness, can cause significant relational splits and problems in the community (e.g., Goins, 2008) and can cause those who avenge themselves to be overcome by evil. As part of our spiritual development, we must be encouraged to practice the spiritual craft of forgiveness.

Through his offering of forgiveness, Jesus called everyone (both powerful and powerless; adult and child) to love, repentance and freedom (John 8:9-11; Luke 6:27-31; Matthew 5:44). We are called to offer that same mercy and kindness to our enemies in order to restore communion between ourselves and others, and ourselves and God. There is a universal need in our relationships for forgiveness in order to achieve this reconciliation (Alter, 1997). The question is whether we are able to do so, as "His command to love our enemies shakes the foundations of social control" (Alter, 1997, p. 30). As we engage in the process of giving and receiving forgiveness, we mature spiritually, and as we mature spiritually, our capacity for forgiveness grows. Forgiveness, therefore, is a process which has a three-fold focus--God, ourselves and neighbor. The current argument focuses directly on "the neighbor" pathway, though each is implicated in the process.

A Psychological View

Within the psychological literature, definitions of forgiveness abound (see Worthington, 2006), although relative to faith traditions, the theoretical and empirical study of forgiveness in psychology is in its infancy (i.e., the past two decades). A commonly cited definition of forgiveness highlights the cognitive, behavioral, and affective changes of the forgiver from negative to positive towards the person forgiven (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000). Worthington's stress-and-coping theory of forgiveness suggests that individuals must cope with interpersonal stressors (i.e., transgressions) and that forgiveness is one way in which to cope. Other responses include rumination or holding a grudge, revenge, and avoidance (Worthington, 2006). Individuals' perceptions of the transgression as either a threat or a challenge to their competence, their relationship and/or their autonomy will lead to various responses that might or might not include forgiveness. Crucial to the present argument, Worthington posits that these responses are solidified over time to impact individuals' personality characteristics including view of self and social relationships. Further, these responses will have emotional, relational and spiritual consequences for the individual. Given that children are "in the midst" of identity formation, social development, and spiritual development, childhood and adolescence is ripe for setting youth on a positive trajectory to bear the fruit of forgiveness.

Indeed psychological research with adults provides evidence of the benefits of forgiveness. Forgiveness has been associated with indices of positive adjustment, such as reductions in stress, anger, depression and anxiety, and an increase in self-esteem (Seybold, Hill, Neumann, & Chi, 2001; Toussaint & Webb, 2005). Forgiveness is also associated with prosocial motivations, social competence, and restoration of interpersonal relationships (Karremans, Van Lange, & Holland, 2005; McCullough, Worthington, & Rachal, 1997).

As reviewed by Worthington (2006), experimental evidence suggests that immediate negative emotions to an interpersonal offense (e.g., anger, fear, hatred or shame) can develop into unforgiveness. As a hyperarousal stress response (Harris & Thoresen, 2005), unforgiveness has potential physiological and psychological health consequences consistent with chronic stress. The stressful and negative emotions associated with unforgiveness (i.e., resentment, bitterness, fear) can lead to anxiety and depression over time, making it beneficial to reduce unforgiveness. The process an individual goes through in order to forgive an offender may be a means of reducing the stress reaction and employing more adaptive ways to respond to hurts.

With a focus on social competence, Denham and colleagues (2005) provide three reasons it is necessary for children to engage in forgiveness: 1) to maintain close relationships, 2) to decrease the use of violence, and 3) to promote wellbeing. They suggest that at school entry children may be less capable of understanding forgiveness while maturation in social and cognitive abilities and emotion regulation make it "easier" to engage in forgiveness. Their preliminary research indicates that forgiveness is positively associated with social competence (e.g., status in the peer group, prosocial behavior, empathy) and negatively related to aggression.

Spirituality

From a Christian perspective, the role of forgiveness in spiritual growth is crucial. Yet are children capable of this spiritual imperative, and should we call them to engage in forgiveness? How might it interact with their spirituality? We offer possible answers to these questions throughout the remainder of this paper. Though much ambiguity exists in defining the term spirituality, it is important for a working definition to be articulated. Spirituality and spiritual development have often been defined and used separately. That is, spirituality could generally be understood as an intrinsic capacity that involves "one's concern for the ultimate meaning and purpose of life" (Estep & Breckenridge, 2004, p. 329) pertaining to personal identity, relationships with others, and a relationship with the sacred, whereas spiritual development has been defined as "the process of growing the intrinsic human capacity for self-transcendence, in which the self is embedded in something greater than the self, including the sacred ... that propels the search for connectedness, meaning, purpose and contribution" (emphasis added; Benson, Roehlkepartain, & Rude, 2003, pp. 205206). We will utilize the definition of spirituality as proposed by Yust, Johnson, Sasso, and Roehlkepartain (2006) to highlight the inherent aspect of spirituality that involves growth, maturation, and change that must be actively nurtured and chosen:

Spirituality is the intrinsic human capacity for self-transcendence in which the individual participates in the sacred--something greater than the self. It propels the search for connectedness, meaning, purpose, and ethical responsibility. It is experienced, formed, shaped, and expressed through a wide range of religious narratives, beliefs, and practices, and is shaped by many influences in family, community, society, culture, and nature. (Yust et al., 2006, p. 8)

Implied in this definition is that spirituality is embedded in an individual's cultural and social contexts (Benson et al., 2003; Yust et al., 2006). This definition is consistent with systems theories of child development that posit that development must be understood as occurring within nested ecological systems (i.e., family, parents' work situation, school) and cultural contexts (i.e., cultural beliefs, socioeconomic status) that interact with the child's individual characteristics in a reciprocal fashion over time (Bronfenbrenner, 1979; Lerner, 2002). Thus, the changes inherent in the process of spirituality are either impeded or nurtured by processes and interactions occurring within particular contexts. Religion as one part of this context can provide a coherent worldview, belief system, and behavioral norms that are embodied in the religious community's norms (King, 2003; Yust et al., 2006). For example, youth with a strong religious identity report a sense of purpose and meaning in life that is associated with prosocial concerns and behaviors (Furrow, King, & White, 2004; Youniss, McLellan, & Yates, 1999). Yet the contexts that impact how spirituality plays out are both within and outside of religious beliefs and practices. For example, another important context in which spirituality is embedded is one's social (peer) world (e.g., school, neighborhood, youth group, extracurricular activities). Further, spirituality leads one to act in a certain way (lovingly) toward others beyond imposed or learned "rules," and is manifested in ethical behavior, thus affecting interpersonal relationships and the larger community (Yust et al., 2006). Developmental systems theories suggest that spirituality, as a holistic characteristic, affects and is affected by cognitive, physical, moral and social development (Coles, 1990; Ratcliff & Nye, 2006). The dynamic, intertwined nature of children's social, moral, and spiritual lives is notable given our focus on the practice of forgiveness within children's peer relationships as important for spiritual growth.

Childhood Spirituality

As we consider the role of forgiveness in childhood, it is important to recognize the relational aspect of children's spirituality. This view on childhood spirituality will be relatively new for those not familiar with literature regarding children's spirituality, but will most likely make intuitive sense and is consistent with developmental systems theories. It has been proposed that children's spirituality is embedded in how they perceive, understand and relate to things, self, others, and God (Hay & Nye, 1998). That is, children's other-oriented reflections promote self-understanding and connection with the transcendent, thus implicating social processes and influences in children's spirituality. Children's spirituality is based within relationships and thus there are transactional interconnections between how they handle difficulties in peer relationships and their spiritual growth (Hart, 2006; Worthington, Sharp, Lerner, & Sharp, 2006). Qualitative research suggests that children's spirituality is present in their encounters and connections with others, most often experienced as deep empathy and compassion (Hart, 2006; Reimer & Furrow, 2001).

Theological views of children also suggest a rich and nuanced view of childhood and children's spiritual nature. Simplistic views of children, as either entirely sinful or entirely innocent, are not wholly accurate (Bunge, 2006; Miller-McLemore, 2003); children are not fully depraved or virtuous, not solely victims or villains, and they are not merely passive recipients of adults' spiritual teachings (Gundry-Volf, 2001; Bunge, 2001). A complex view of children includes recognition of their agency as a source of spiritual insight and as God's image-bearers, and their innate ability to be in loving relationship with God, self and others.

Miller-McLemore (2003) introduces us to the complexities of seeing children as agents who are full persons learning how to make decisions and build relationships. Agency has the connotation that there is power to wield and that children need to be encouraged in its responsible use appropriate to their age and situation. Yet children as agents are also influenced by those around them. We can model and practice forgiveness with children but must be careful that we not teach children, albeit subtly, that there is always something to do to repair relationship problems and that if correct actions are taken problems can be avoided. As Worthington (2006) asserts, forgiveness fills the justice-gap where the best efforts (or willful cruelty) of others and/or our best efforts (or willful cruelty) have produced offense and hurt. Miller-McLemore (2003) challenges us to see children as "a complex amalgamation of imperfection and potentiality" (p. 144)--capable of both good and poor choices. Child-inflicted offenses and child-experienced hurts must be seen through a lens of respect which acknowledges children's active role (or agency) within their contexts and their self-determination. The relational aspect of children's spirituality suggests that as they are supported in learning to use the skill of forgiveness (for self and others), their spiritual and social development will benefit.

This complex view of child agency is also found in current sociological theories of childhood. The child's ability to understand their social world is not merely passively adapted and internalized from adult messages, but rather it is also appropriated, reinvented and reproduced.. .creatively (Corsaro, 2005). Corsaro offers the notion of interpretive reproduction: "children create and participate in their own peer cultures by creatively taking or appropriating information from the adult world to address their own peer concerns" (p. 18). Adults, especially parents, introduce children to cultural norms, social customs and familial expectations. Children enter their peer worlds with increasing autonomy across development and apply their own interpretations of these norms, customs and expectations to their needs.

Spirituality and Peer Relations

Despite the salience and importance of relationships in children's and adolescents' spirituality and the focus on ecological forces that affect spirituality, much of the research does not consider the role of youth's social context in their spirituality (Benson, 2004; Benson et al. 2003; Regnerus, Smith, & Smith, 2004). Though the parent-child relationship is reliably found to be associated with youth's spirituality, a small but growing body of research also indicates interconnections between peer relations and various measures of spirituality (King, Furrow, & Roth, 2002; Regnerus et al., 2004). For example, Martin, White, and Perlman (2003) found that the influence of parents on the development of adolescents' faith was mediated by adolescents' peer interactions. Further, Schwartz (2006) found that friends' modeling of faith and their faith dialogue (e.g., "My friends are consistent in how they live out their faith," "My friends encourage me to grow closer to God in my own way") significantly contributed to adolescents' religious faith above parents' faith support. (1)

Keeping in mind the definition of spirituality being used (involving connectedness, meaning, purpose and contribution that is embedded in relationships), we can hypothesize how children's peer relations interact with their spirituality (Schwartz, Bukowski, & Aoki, 2006). Peer relationships, characterized by more equal and mutual relationships than adult-child relationships, help children learn how to think of others' feelings, engage in perspective-taking, be sensitive to others' needs, and resolve conflicts and regulate emotions in order to preserve relationships (Parker et al., 2006). Thus, peer relationships contribute to the growth of children's sensitivity for and love of others, as well as their ethical and moral behavior that is a part of spirituality. Peer relationships provide children with the opportunity to develop a sense of how they fit and function within the social world, particularly as peer acceptance becomes increasingly important, which is clearly linked to the spiritual sense of connectedness (Schwartz et al., 2006). Empathy, perspective-taking and meaning making, which are necessary in all relationships that include conflict and require forgiveness, are likely then to facilitate children's spiritual experience and growth. Likewise, the valuing of others, the connection with others and God's calling for how to live in community will positively impact children's peer relations and social competence through the emphasis on prosocial behavior and moral values. Indeed, research shows a link between religiosity and peer relationships that is played out in social interactions and trusting relationships (i.e., connection with God and others), shared worldview, beliefs and religious commitment (i.e., meaning and purpose), and the reinforcement of values and behaviors (i.e., contribution; King, 2003).

Less explored in any literature are the potential negative connections between peer relations and children's spirituality. Any parent upon reflection can recognize the impact of their children's peer interactions on their well-being when they come home from school upset that they were picked on, or that a friend ignored them or was mean to them that day. understanding the impact of peer relationships is complicated given the multifaceted nature of children's social world. At the same time that prosocial behaviors and the ability to resolve conflicts increases, the frequency and intensity of conflict among friends also increases throughout childhood and adolescence (Parker et al., 2006). Similarly, physical aggression declines as verbal and relational aggression increases (Parker et al., 2006). unfortunately, even more substantial difficulties, including victimization by peers, rejection by the larger peer group and neglect by peers are not uncommon experiences in childhood and adolescence (Rubin, Bukowski, & Laursen, 2009).

Research indicates associations between these negative peer experiences and maladjustment, including poor self-esteem, loneliness and depression, increases in rumination, and vengeful or aggressive behavior (e.g., Deater-Deckard, 2001; Hawker & Boulton, 2000; Sandstrom & Coie, 1999). Peer victimization can be used as a relational experience to consider in exploring forgiveness among children. Victimization, which involves the intention to harm or disturb the victim, repeated occurrences over time, and a power imbalance with the less powerful person being victimized (Olweus, 1993), obviously represents an interpersonal transgression with potentially negative individual and interpersonal consequences. All forms of victimization--including physical (e.g., pushing, kicking), verbal (e.g., name calling, threatening), relational (e.g., purposely excluding, spreading rumors), and cyber (e.g., sending mean texts, online harassment; Smith, Madsen, & Moody, 1999; Dooley, Pyzalski, & Cross, 2009)--involve a majority of youth--in the roles of the bully, the victim, and/or the bystander (Espelage & Swearer, 2003).

Let's take the case of the victim to consider the intertwined nature of peer relations, forgiveness and spirituality. Not only are children who are victimized by their peers at risk for maladjustment, they are also less likely to develop friendships that facilitate a sense of belonging and prosocial behavior (Hodges, Peets, & Salmivalli, 2009). Further, the emotions and stress of unforgiveness may fit into a cycle of peer victimization. Children who are victimized may interpret interactions with peers as threatening, expect to be victimized and then respond in a manner that contributes to further victimization (e.g., crying, anger, revenge; Rosen, Milich & Harris, 2009). Additionally, parents of children who are victimized tend to have poor problem-solving skills and tend to promote retaliation in response to even minor acts of aggression (Demaray & Malecki, 2003). Such characteristics would likely contradict religious beliefs and a forgiveness process that involves "mak[ing] an assessment of the harm done and acknowledg[ing] the perpetrator's responsibility but voluntarily choos[ing] to cancel the debt, giving up the need for revenge, punishments, or restitution" (Denham et al., 2005, p. 129). Children may be less likely to engage in the forgiveness process if their parents have not modeled it for them. Likewise, bullies may have characteristics that impede their spirituality and their ability to forgive others (e.g., a lack of concern for others, vengeful goals, positive appraisals of aggression, exposure to harsh parenting; Cook, Williams, Guerra, Kim, & Sadek, 2010) which has implications on their spirituality. Likewise, the spirituality of bystanders may also be implicated by their refusal to act prosocially on behalf of a peer in trouble. The intractable nature of peer victimization, the large body of research already existing regarding the aspects of this problem and its common occurrence in schools and communities provides a striking example of the need for research regarding forgiveness and childhood spirituality and its application within peer relationships.

Consequences on Children's Spirituality

Children's view that they are created in God's image can be negatively impacted by others' treatment of them (Charry, 2006). Negative experiences with peers would likely impact their understanding of themselves, their sense of the world, and their feeling of connection with others, and lead to deeper spiritual questions and a feeling of disconnect with God and others. Not having roots in a set of values that upholds a respectful, accepting and loving approach to others, or viewing maladaptive coping such as revenge, avoidance, and aggression as positive coping responses could lead to further rejection or victimization by peers. Important to this paper, these influences may lead to children's difficulty engaging in the forgiveness process and thus impact their spiritual and psychological wholeness.

As spiritual beings created in God's image, children's spirituality is affected by all of their experiences and choices, including those within the social context. For spiritual growth to occur children must develop a loving relationship with God that flows into love of others (Mark 12:3031). Conflict with peers is one aspect of the fallen world that is not perfectly safe, just or caring. Children learn about the complications of life as well as the difficulty of forgiveness, and recognize that they too need forgiveness. Spiritual growth is dependent on relationship with God that requires forgiveness extended from Him to us, and through us to others. If we view forgiveness as the essence of being a Christian and as a response that can alleviate psychological misery, then it should be a crucial component in children's peer interactions. Their forgiveness of themselves, their treatment of others, and moving beyond their own needs in a purposeful way that is informed by their spirituality will help them to grow in their connection with others and God, and in turn, will nurture their spirituality.

Forgiveness in Childhood

A Theological View

A complex but affirming view of children's spirituality suggests that children are fully capable of forgiveness. Indeed, theologian Friedrich Shleiermacher viewed children as being flexible and forgiving, particularly in light of the failure of adults in their lives (DeVries, 2001). He argued that children have a spiritual perspective (e.g., present-focused, trusting, accepting and dependent) necessary for Christian faith and which forms their relationship with others and God. Children are able to bless others, particularly as they are less powerful in many relationships (Berryman, 2004). This view of children's spirituality suggests that children may actually be more capable of forgiveness than are adults, though they may not be able to articulate it as well. As their cognitive understanding of their world increases, children will need to continue to develop and understand the forgiveness process and how it fits with their beliefs to continue growth in this spiritual craft. We contend that a supportive community in which children can experience forgiveness (from others and toward others), think about their relationships with others, and learn how to cope with conflict in a loving, forgiving way, will only contribute to their spirituality.

Being forgiven and accepting forgiveness (in the case of the offender) can set in motion a process of self-forgiving and other positive outcomes (e.g., overcoming feelings of self-hatred and shame) and help children to be other-directed in their perspective, emotions and behaviors (North, 1998). Through attempts to understand others and choose cognitive, emotional and behavioral responses that promote reconciliation, children might feel more connected with their peers and God. The forgiveness process can be informed by and in turn reinforce the meaning of their faith and how it should be demonstrated in their love of others (e.g., because God forgave me, I will love my enemy). In sum, the process of forgiveness among children and their peers has the potential to contribute to their meaning making of relational events, their purpose in relating to others in an empathic and loving manner, and their connection with others (i.e., spirituality).

A Psychological View

Not only is forgiveness intertwined with children's spirituality, but the potential psychological implications also necessitate our focus on this spiritual craft. Due to the marked positive psychological, emotional, and social outcomes for adults who engage in forgiveness, it could be expected that forgiveness is also a beneficial response for youth.

The first researchers exploring children's forgiveness utilized Kohlberg's stage theory of moral development and Gilligan's proposition of a morality of care to hypothesize and understand six stages of forgiveness development (Enright, Santos, & Al-Mabuk, 1989). Thus, forgiveness was placed within a cognitive-developmental framework which posited that with age individuals would demonstrate a higher, more complex perspective of forgiveness. Developmental psychologist Robert Enright with the Human Development Study Group (1991, 1994) conducted several studies to evaluate the cognitive-developmental model of forgiveness. In response to hypothetical moral dilemmas, the reasoning of 4th grade children about forgiveness could most often be categorized in the developmental stage that requires restitution in order for forgiveness to occur (e.g., "I can forgive someone only if I can punish him/her as to the extent that I have been hurt"), whereas adolescents' reasoning about forgiveness most often fell into a stage that reflected the influence of others (e.g., "I can forgive someone when other people expect me to forgive"; Enright et al., 1989). Only adults endorsed the stage of reasoning about forgiveness that was more complex (e.g., to restore relational harmony, or to truly love and care for another). A small study of middle school and college-age students in Korea found similar age differences in the understanding of forgiveness (Park & Enright, 1997). Interestingly, adolescents' understanding of forgiveness was not related to their degree of forgiveness reported toward an actual serious, unfair conflict with a friend.

Drawing from Piaget (1932/1965), Enright and colleagues (1994) suggest that young children might have difficulty understanding forgiveness, as immature cognitive abilities would not allow children to move from the more concrete, inflexible view of justice to more abstract understandings of forgiveness. Interestingly, as Enright and colleagues point out, Piaget also identified other features that might impact children's ability to understand forgiveness, including practicing forgiveness and social input (e.g., religious beliefs, cultural supports), and suggested that forgiveness can be placed within a moral realm because it requires charity and love for others. Indeed, more consistent religious practice was related to higher stages of forgiveness reasoning (Enright et al., 1989). Thus, it seems that youth's social context and their use of others to clarify the situation and /or encourage them to forgive are important aspects of the forgiveness process.

A significant concern with this line of research is that asking children to reason about forgiveness requires logical, abstract thought and the verbal ability to express this thought (Denham et al, 2005; Worthington, 2006). Yet, forgiveness involves much more than reasoning skills. Further, the capacity to think about forgiveness might not translate into actual forgiveness (Worthington, 2006). using hypothetical scenariobased measures, Denham and colleagues found that children's motivation for or propensity to forgive did not vary by age; that is, age may be related to children's abstract reasoning about forgiveness but not their ability to engage in forgiveness. (2) We hypothesize that children engage in forgiveness (or respond with unforgiveness) throughout their day from early childhood on (i.e., forgiving a friend for grabbing a favorite toy during a playdate, forgiving a peer for teasing them during recess, forgiving oneself for not sticking up for a friend) and that forgiveness can be observed in their subsequent interactions with their peers though they may not be able to verbalize their forgiveness process.

An ecological view would emphasize systemic rather than stage-like changes of forgiveness development, as moving through various contexts and developmental periods requires adaptation to and incorporation of various influences over time (Estep & Breckenridge, 2004). With developmental demands inherent in their growing capabilities (e.g., emotion regulation, social-cognitive abilities) and the increasing complexity of social-emotional developmental tasks (e.g., needing to cope with negative affect during peer interactions, maintain positive interactions in play, resolve conflict), children may need to build on their forgiveness skills throughout childhood and adolescence. For example, as children begin to experience and understand complex emotions in themselves and others, they could harness these emotion regulation skills in order to better understand their own responses to peer offenses and to understand their offender; likewise, difficulty with these emotion regulation needs might make the forgiveness process more difficult. It is crucial to understand the transactional relationships between children's social and cognitive development, the forgiveness process, and their spiritual development. These relationships are ripe for empirical investigation. Children's engagement in forgiveness at times may be outside of their cognitive abilities but still be an experiential and emotional process enabled by God and embodied by their moral communities.

Indeed, consistent with the discussion of the relational nature of children's spirituality, relational influences appear to shape children's forgiveness. For example, Denham and her colleagues (2005) reported results from several studies showing connections between children's and parents' interpersonal forgiveness. Additionally, peers have been found to strongly influence forgiveness with friends helping to facilitate the process of forgiveness (Enright et al., 1989). With relational offenses being common during childhood, these negative experiences are salient in understanding forgiveness among children as protagonists who could benefit from either self-forgiveness for hurting others, or forgiveness of others for hurting them.

Summary

From both theological views as well as the limited psychological evidence, children are clearly capable of experiencing and thinking about the hurt and forgiveness required within interpersonal relationships. Forgiveness is not merely possessing different thoughts or feelings about others or enacting positive behaviors toward those who have hurt us, but a way of being in a transformative relationship with God and with others (Jones, 1995). We can thus envisage the potential of forgiveness in children's peer relations and in spiritual wholeness. Using Worthington's stress-and-coping framework, we would expect that being hurt by a peer has the potential to impact a child's social competence, their relationships, and their sense of control or ability to affect the world around them. Viewing these offenses as a challenge and being motivated to engage in forgiveness could allow the child to effectively respond to the hurt both intra- and interpersonally, and over time will impact the way in which he/she generally responds to difficulties in social relationships and lives with others in community. Forgiveness has the potential to decrease negative affect (e.g., sadness, anger), restore self-confidence, mend or alter relationships with peers, and positively impact the child's social behavior and thus social competence over time (Flanagan, 2009). Further, if giving and accepting the gift of forgiveness is crucial to spiritual growth then children's engagement in the forgiveness process with their peers will be intertwined with their spirituality and the creation of a loving community.

Future Directions

A great deal of both theoretical and empirical work needs to be conducted regarding the proposed associations. As discussed, the specific spiritual craft of forgiveness has not been widely picked up by child researchers, perhaps because of its religious connotations and/or because of concern about forcing children to forgive and potentially placing them in ongoing harm (Scobie & Scobie, 2000). Even among Christian literature, childhood forgiveness is not often a focus despite the interconnections between forgiveness and spirituality. Nevertheless, the practice of forgiveness across development presents potential for positive outcomes for youth and therefore should be better understood. The following theoretical and empirical directions may help us to better assist our youth in this spiritual craft, and thus nurture spiritual and psychological wholeness.

As attempted in this paper, a broader but deeper research agenda regarding childhood forgiveness must draw from various disciplines, including but not limited to: developmental psychology, clinical psychology, theology of childhood, and children's spirituality. Research designs utilizing a range of methodology (i.e., narratives, observations of children's interactions with peers or siblings or parent-child interactions, parent and self-report, daily diaries) across childhood and adolescence would help us to understand the developmental process of forgiveness, as it might be different from that of adults (Knutson, Enright, & Garbers, 2008). Researchers must seek to be creative in how to tap this process that is more than just cognitive, especially Christian child researchers who should be compelled by the centrality of forgiveness for spiritual development.

Similar to the excellent questions posed by Denham et al. (2005), we seek to encourage research that will give justice to the personhood of children, and the developmental factors and multiple ecological systems in which children are embedded. The following could be considered for future research:

* Focus groups interviewing children of various ages to elicit their perceptions, and most importantly, their experiences of forgiveness. How do they talk about peer offenses and resolution of problems? Is forgiveness utilized or important to them?

* It would be beneficial to evaluate children's use of forgiveness in "real life" situations using longitudinal research designs. For example, youth could be observed in naturalistic settings (e.g., recess, daycare). Or asked at three different points in time (e.g., school age, early adolescence, adolescence) to describe a time they have been hurt and evaluate their responses to the offender. Longitudinal designs would also allow researchers to examine the characteristics that might promote forgiveness within peer relationships (e.g., temperament, secure attachment relationships, empathy and perspective-taking abilities).

* Are there corollaries or precursors to pseudo-forgiveness among children and how does this play out in peer interactions?

* Do children learn about the forgiveness process from observing peers or talking about conflict that was responded to with forgiveness? Are children willing to engage in forgiveness if they believe it is important but their peers do not? What types of relationships influence children's forgiveness (e.g., best friendships, romantic relationships, youth group participation)?

* How do changing peer dynamics influence engagement in forgiveness over time? For example, does the willingness to engage in forgiveness in response to peer victimization change from childhood to adolescence as peers become more central to their understanding of themselves and their social world?

* What are children's perceptions of forgiveness? Do they believe forgiveness is important or helpful? If so, what are the reasons and do they find it more or less important or helpful at certain points in social development (e.g., the importance of maintaining a friendship in early adolescence or intimacy within late adolescent romantic relationships)?

* Does forgiveness serve as a response to cope with interpersonal stressors, resulting in positive intra- and interpersonal outcomes and spiritual growth for children? What is its relationship to other categories of coping in childhood and in response to various types of interpersonal difficulties (e.g., parent-child conflict, sibling conflict, conflict in best friendships or enemyships)?

* What are ways in which children's engagement in and understanding of forgiveness is socialized and nurtured within the family and other social contexts? Though the influence of parents on youth's forgiveness has been explored previously (Denham et al., 2005) it is a nascent area of study. How do parents influence their children's engagement in forgiveness with peers? For example, is children's forgiveness nurtured by parents' direct instruction or modeling, or by receiving forgiveness from or, in turn, being invited to offer forgiveness to their parents (e.g., parental apologies)?

* Are there certain developmental periods during which parents have greater influence in teaching and/or modeling forgiveness? For instance, does parental modeling of empathy and perspective-taking during early and middle childhood prepare adolescents to engage in forgiveness with peers and maintain relationships outside the home? Do parenting practices influence the development of children's forgiveness (e.g., would shame-inducing parenting be negatively associated with children's willingness to forgive others)?

* Are there particular teacher behaviors or school climate characteristics that contribute to children's willingness and ability to engage in forgiveness? School-based program evaluations would be useful in answering this question. As an example, would the integration of a forgiveness curriculum into anti-bullying programs assist victims in dealing with their experiences and gaining a sense of agency, and foster improved relationships between students?

The ultimate motivation to engage in such theoretical and empirical work may reside in our perspective of childhood forgiveness and whether it truly needs to and should be nurtured and encouraged on the inevitably wounded path of childhood.

Sections of this article also appear in the chapter '?'Forgiveness, peer relations, and children's spirituality' by K. S. Flanagan and R. Loveall in K. E. Lawson & D. Ratcliff (Vol. Eds.), Children's spirituality: Theology, research, and practice (2012) with the editors' permission. The first author would like to thank colleagues Cynthia Neal Kimball and Scott Moreau of Wheaton College for their encouragement and astute feedback during the conceptualization of this paper. Correspondence concerning this article should be sent to Kelly S. Flanagan, Wheaton College, 501 College Avenue, Wheaton, IL 60187. Ph: 630-752-5754. Fax: 630-752-7033; [email protected].

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Notes

(1) Many of these studies, though not all, assessed youth's religiosity versus their spirituality, though the two constructs are related and spirituality itself is associated with positive adjustment (Yust et al., 2006). Measures included items asking about church attendance, the importance of religion to the youth, and engagement in various activities including prayer.

(2) These researchers did find that children were more likely to endorse forgiveness in these hypothetical scenarios when it was an accidental offense or when the offender apologized or felt bad. North (1998) reasons that an apology places the offender and offended in a position of moral equality, which allows the injured person to esteem the offender as worthy of respect and consideration because of the offender's acknowledgment of the offense and intention to make amends and to change.

Authors

Kelly S. Flanagan is the program director for the PsyD Clinical Psychology program at Wheaton College. Her research interests combine developmental and clinical perspectives to better understand the reciprocal influences between children's relationships and their individual functioning. She has a particular interest in negative peer experiences and the role of forgiveness and spiritual well-being in children's psychological adjustment.

Rebecca Loveall has been working with her husband Andrew in Antigua, Guatemala for the last 10 years with the non-profit organization Latin American Christian Education Services. Their ministry focus is discipleship through evangelism and humanitarian outreach through the Escuela Integrada network of schools. She recently completed the Master's in Clinical Psychology program at Wheaton College by being awarded a furloughing missionary scholarship from the Billy Graham Center.

J. Carrick Carter recently obtained her doctorate in Clinical Psychology at Wheaton College. She is currently a postdoctoral fellow at University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, Department of Pediatrics. She pursues research that informs her clinical work with children and adolescents and has particular interests in peer relations, spirituality, and forgiveness within a developmental systems framework.

Kelly S. Flanagan, Rebecca Loveall, and J. Carrick Carter

Wheaton College